I used to believe that I was addicted to chocolate and other sugary things. If I was to binge on any food, it was 90% of the time some form of sugar, which just hardened the belief that sugar is something you can’t have any control over.
If I craved anything – it would be sweet.
And I used to think “How can these weird people keep chocolate in the house and not eat all of it?” Yup, I definitely saw myself as a chocoholic.
The fact that we have that term goes to show that we think it’s something we must try to control lest it take over.
Yet, now I think about it, I haven’t used that word to describe myself for a very long time.
But I still eat chocolate and love it above all other sugary foods. If I want something sweet, I go for chocolate. If I want a desert or something comforting, I go for chocolate.
But I no longer see myself as addicted to it or weak to its call. Because chocolate doesn’t call out to me anymore like it used to. I don’t feel addicted to it, or unable to say no to it. I don’t always have it in the house, but if I do have it, I don’t always eat all of it in one sitting.
What happened? How could I have gone from a self-proclaimed chocoholic to THAT kind of person that can have some without eating all of it in one go?
What had changed was my mindset and my whole relationship with food.
I came to see, over time, and by living my eat happy practice of eating intuitively that I could indeed be moderate with chocolate, and other forms of sweet or sugary foods.
It was very surprising to me to see myself not binge it or gorge on it. Yet, the chocolate itself hadn’t changed.
It’s simple, but if you make something off limits and naughty and forbidden and you tell yourself over and over again you must not eat it, and you think about NOT eating all the time – you will feel absolutely drawn to it.
It’s a bit like that whole manifestation saying isn’t it: Where your thoughts go your energy flows.
And I think it’s true – the more I thought about it, the more it was attractive to me.
Eating happy is not about controlling food – it’s about finding peace with food, and it’s hard to find peace with something when you try to control it day in day out. The secret here is that I learned I had to stop testing myself.
Previously, not eating chocolate meant I was good.
Eating it meant I was a glutton.
But when I stopped controlling myself, and testing myself around food I realised that this was a sign of having faith in myself – and trust. And I realised that even though chocolate is awesome, I genuinely don’t want to eat it all the time.
Eating it all the time would make me feel sick. And tired and sluggish.
Because I love it, I don’t want to make it unspecial by having it all the time.
It’s more special to me because it’s what I eat when I have that special chocolate urge. I don’t always have that urge, but when I do, I get to eat some yummy chocolate.
This has shown me beyond a shadow of a doubt that sugar is not addictive.
When I reflect on what I’ve eaten over the last however many years it’s been since quitting dieting, I have eaten really amazing meals. I have eaten so much variety and different types of cuisine – and it’s been delicious.
And to think that I once thought that if I didn’t control it, I would just eat chocolate.
I do wonder – how did I make all those decisions around food?
It’s because in that moment, those particular foods were available to me, and I wanted them for lots of different reasons. But wanting tasty food has always been a priority for me, even though some foods were fast food and some foods were more nourishing – they have all played their part in giving me what I want.
It takes time to open to that knowledge of what you want, but it’s there and it’s fun.
So eat it and not control it and you will find balance. It’s always there for you. And you get to decide when you want it.