Are your goals getting further and further away? I hear you. That sucks. It is always so exciting to set goals. You feel that you’re going to become this awesome person, who always does what they set out to do. They are calm and collected and don’t seem to struggle with bad habits at all.
If only that was reality.
So why aren’t you hitting your targets and reaching your goals? What is it about you that makes goals seem like mountains, but to others they seem like a smooth path?
Well, it’s not you. I promise. Goal setting is an art, and one I’m learning to get better at all the time. I’ve written about why goals don’t work here, and that shows you how goals work only in certain settings.
In this blog post I’m going to talk about why you aren’t reaching your goals, and the mindset stuff you need to be looking at to create a positive change.
1. The change is too big or scary
In this blog post I talk about how goals are better for short term stuff. But most often, people set really giant goals. Run a marathon, travel around the world solo, write a book.
The goals aren’t necessarily a problem, but they’d be better off if they were intentions. (I explain why here).
Some people love big goals, but for lots of people, when they are too big, and not broken down into small steps – we can freeze. What can happen is that we disconnect from the goals, because we’ve never had any experience in doing anything like it before!
Small wins, created by short-term goals work to improve your confidence because you see your achievement, and think “Maybe I am the kind of person who can do this giant goal!”
2. You don’t know who you’ll be after you reach your goals
I know this sounds odd, but it’s actually a huge tripwire for people who don’t spot it.
I, along with many others, really wanted to lose weight. I wanted to be a skinny person. Not just me, I wanted to be them!
And then I realized why I wasn’t losing weight, and in fact, why I was self-sabotaging myself every single day. It was because I was worried about who I would be when I reached the land of skinny.
- Would I be able to relax with food in the evenings?
- Would I never be able to snack again?
- Would I be expected to be happy and confident all the time?
How would I manage if people become more attracted to me when I didn’t want that much attention?
Setting goals that are so far removed from your daily lived experience really do cause us to fear for our inner selves. We don’t want to vanish and become a different person, even if that’s what we say we want.
So you need to look at how you are treating your inner self. With kindness, or shame? I’m running a workshop on how to plan kindly by keeping our inner selves happy, and you can find out more about it here.
3. Your subconscious doesn’t believe your goals can become your reality
Just as our inner-self can rule the roost when it doesn’t want to be demolished by goals that seek to eradicate the self completely, so it goes with your subconscious.
You say you want to be a confident person, but you don’t have much experience of that at the moment. When people compliment you or pay you attention, you freak out. Your brain can’t even comprehend this future you are asking for because it doesn’t feel like what your reality is right now.
I know, strange. But we go towards what is familiar. If you want to be rich, successful, confident, or whatever, you need to accept the feelings associated with that state of being right now – not in the future.
You are driven way more by emotions and feelings, than cold hard logic.
You will reach your goals when you change your beliefs
And here’s the clincher. Your goal won’t change you. You need to change to reach your goal.
The change needs to be internal, and a big part of that is belief.
If you want to know more about how beliefs can help create a better future for you, take a look at this post where I share 3 ways to use mindset changes for a happier life.
I hope you found this blog post on goals useful to you. If you’d like to work on creating a happier life for you, then I’m running an Intention Setting Online Workshop in March 2020, and you can sign up for it right here.
Hope to see you there