How To Stop Self Sabotage!
how to stop self sabotage!
Self sabotage – have you done it? I’m sure you have because EVERYONE has! It’s when you have all the best intentions, and then seem to do the complete opposite of what you said you would. Frustrating or what! Well, frustration is the less-bad outcome. The worst outcome if you ask me is that you lose self-trust. We need self-trust so much! If we lose it over our food choices, I’d say that’s a pretty mucked up way to live. But it happens.
Here I’m going to talk a bit more about self-sabotage and why we do it, and why that can lead down a negative path.
So it might surprise you to know that self-sabotage is built right into dieting.
Yup, you heard me.
Diets are the way to self-sabotage yourself.
Think about it, the only thing you can self sabotage is a plan, right? If you didn’t have a plan or a schedule, there wouldn’t be anything to sabotage.
So the first thing we need to look at is:
Are your goals realistic?
Are they even humanly possible? Some of my clients expect some pretty difficult things from themselves! They want to go through the day with just three square meals, and no snacking. They think it’s possible because a) They’ve done it before or b) They see others doing it, so it shouldn’t be so hard!
Either the food they are eating just isn’t conducive to going all day (i.e. not filling, not nourishing, too refined) – or more likely, they are going against the grain of who they are. Past experience has shown them that this is not a good strategy for them – but they are determined. Well, until they sabotage themselves. Because this isn’t really them mucking up their plans, their plans aren’t realistic so they are bound to fail – but the individual feels like THEY are the failure.
This is the evil genius of dieting. Somehow – we never blame the diet! We just blame ourselves. Come on! This is ridiculous. Diets fail. You don’t fail.
Are you scared of perfection?
Bear with me – I know this sounds weird. You are working so hard to be better at eating or looking better or whatever it is you want. And you might actually do quite well on this plan for a while. And yet, as the weight comes off, or the days of clean eating have added up you seem to get more wobbly. You are doing stuff ‘off plan’ more and more. You can see yourself destroying all your hard work right in front of your eyes.
What’s going on!?
Well as Marianne Williamson has said:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. – Marianne Williamson
This means, we often fear being bigger, better, bolder. We are used to being smaller, meek, unsure, unconfident. Even a bit of a mess. Subconsciously – we go to that which is familiar!
This is a classic case of better the devil you know.
Also, on another level, we could say that where our intention goes – our energy flows. Meaning, that often with weight goals we are putting a tonne of attention on food, and not gaining weight. It obsesses us, and that means we go to food more and to weight energetically because that’s what we are thinking about!
Obsessed with the outcome and not the process
When we are focused on weight loss we really so shut off to everything else. Now this is not sustainable, because it’s not living. We are stopping living until we are perfect. But you know – sometimes LIFE itself just calls you! And you answer that call, and you eat all the food, and you drink and you stay up late and you do all the things you said you wouldn’t. This is not a bad thing – this is a sign that you are not living. That food has become something you need to feel alive. This isn’t a bad thing either, but it is out of balance.
So yes – you need balance.
What to do:
Live your life! Make plans that feel good in the moment and that aren’t to do with dieting or food. Live now!
Be kinder to yourself. Stop labeling yourself, and learn to listen. Every time you self-sabotage you have got an amazing opportunity to learn about yourself. Usually we shut off when this happens – but if you open to the discomfort and sit with the pain of having eaten too much or the ‘wrong’ stuff, then you may find that this is what you’ve been after all along. Comfort! You need to be the source of comfort to yourself. It starts with how you are to yourself.
Make sure any goals and aims are realistic. In fact, scrap goals, and just have looser intentions around your eating. Remember that eating is always a balancing act and sometimes we wobble more! But make your intentions nice and broad to account for any small wobbles that are a part of living this life.
So be kind to yourself, look after yourself, and eat happy!
